So when John worked nights I had nightmares every night. I would wake up in panic. And I would wake up at 3am terrified John wasn't there. Now that he got laid off he is home every night and gets to snuggle me. Voile! No more nightmares! I have no idea if I spelled that right but I am thinking it was close.
Mati is kicking so hard now that John gets to watch him kick. he asked me the other day to describe how it feels when he is kicking me. I have no idea how to describe it. I told him it was like a nudge on the inside of my belly. Sometimes it hurts but most of the time it is just like a muscle spasm. I love it. Except when I am trying to sleep. I swear this is when he decides to make mommy pay attention. let's just hope it isn't a precursor to what it will be like the first year of baby's life.
I really am on edge to start nesting. The baby shower should be in November and John says he is getting us a crib for the baby present. I am so excited! We have the baby clothes for a few months... we probably still need a ton more. We may have the baby's dresser soon. We have the stroller and carseat. John thought I was completely dorky for installing the carseat when we were only 25 weeks along. I drove around for a day with the carseat all installed just picturing the baby in the van with me.
I am so excited to be a mom it's unreal. I just want to hold our baby and take care of him. But until then I will just keep taking care of him in the way I can right now. I am already so much in love with my baby boy.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Say what Im a mom?
I have waited my entire life to be a mom. I remember playing with baby dolls, babysitting, and going to my aunts baby showers and just imagining what life would be like when I get to have my own baby. My friends would always joke that I was the mom of the group. It just is a part of me to act like "the mom." So at 17 when they told me I may never have kids my heart broke. Now at 23 I am pregnant with our little miracle. I remember telling John when we were dating that we may not be able to have kids naturally and we might have to adopt. He didn't quite understand and with his self assured nature told me that we would have our kids. He did eventually say that no matter what we would be parents whether biologically or through adoption. Every time my period would come I would feel heartbroken and down right helpless. I wanted my baby so bad. I wanted our baby. I wanted to see our kids with John's perfect smile and dimples. I just wanted our family. It took me a long time to come to terms that it doesn't always happen on our time.
We didn't give up but we stopped investing all our hopes into each month we tried to get pregnant. I swear everyone else around me was announcing their pregnancy and I felt more alone. And then there was May 12th. I didn't feel pregnant so much as I felt the need to pee constantly and my boobs hurt. I hadn't even missed my period. I had peed on so many pregnancy tests that we practically were keeping them in business. So when my aunt Summer persuaded me to buy a test I was very resistant to even attempt it for another 3 days. I didn't want to be let down again. She had barged in while I was still peeing on the stick and I barely had finished and looked at it when it showed I was pregnant. I was in shock but so happy.
Now there isn't a day that goes by, a moment even, where I am so happy and so grateful for our little miracle. Baby shopping is the highlight of my day. We recently got our stroller and carseat set and my dear friend Emma sent us a baby carrier. I feel like we are closer and closer to being parents and I just can't wait. I get excited every time I feel our baby move inside me. Like he is just as impatient as we are to meet him. We still have 15 weeks to go but I am just as excited and maybe even moreso than the first day we found out. At times I forget just how huge I look until someone mentions it to me or my clothes dont fit.
I was bothered by this alot and felt so fat. But now I just see it as a compliment. I have a cute baby bump that proves that I am a mom. I carry him out in front of me and I take good care of him. I think of him when I choose things to eat. I am always planning when I get to buy him diapers and onesies. I want to make sure that when he comes I have all my focus on him. He is the center of our world right now. We go to work 40hrs per week to make our home ready for our baby. We make sacrifices for him so that he won't be without when he is here.
We want whats best for him. We want everything for him that we had and more. We started traditions last year for pumpkin picking and cutting down the christmas tree. We are going to make more memories and more traditions when he is here and we cannot wait. I can almost see him and I love him already so much. I can only imagine what that love will be like when he is here.
I love you baby. Mommy and Daddy can't wait to hold you and show you all the love this world has to offer.
We didn't give up but we stopped investing all our hopes into each month we tried to get pregnant. I swear everyone else around me was announcing their pregnancy and I felt more alone. And then there was May 12th. I didn't feel pregnant so much as I felt the need to pee constantly and my boobs hurt. I hadn't even missed my period. I had peed on so many pregnancy tests that we practically were keeping them in business. So when my aunt Summer persuaded me to buy a test I was very resistant to even attempt it for another 3 days. I didn't want to be let down again. She had barged in while I was still peeing on the stick and I barely had finished and looked at it when it showed I was pregnant. I was in shock but so happy.
Now there isn't a day that goes by, a moment even, where I am so happy and so grateful for our little miracle. Baby shopping is the highlight of my day. We recently got our stroller and carseat set and my dear friend Emma sent us a baby carrier. I feel like we are closer and closer to being parents and I just can't wait. I get excited every time I feel our baby move inside me. Like he is just as impatient as we are to meet him. We still have 15 weeks to go but I am just as excited and maybe even moreso than the first day we found out. At times I forget just how huge I look until someone mentions it to me or my clothes dont fit.
I was bothered by this alot and felt so fat. But now I just see it as a compliment. I have a cute baby bump that proves that I am a mom. I carry him out in front of me and I take good care of him. I think of him when I choose things to eat. I am always planning when I get to buy him diapers and onesies. I want to make sure that when he comes I have all my focus on him. He is the center of our world right now. We go to work 40hrs per week to make our home ready for our baby. We make sacrifices for him so that he won't be without when he is here.
We want whats best for him. We want everything for him that we had and more. We started traditions last year for pumpkin picking and cutting down the christmas tree. We are going to make more memories and more traditions when he is here and we cannot wait. I can almost see him and I love him already so much. I can only imagine what that love will be like when he is here.
I love you baby. Mommy and Daddy can't wait to hold you and show you all the love this world has to offer.
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