I might have to hurt someone

So the Qwest turmoil continues. I have now spoken to about 7 different people on 7 different occasions to try and get my internet and home phone turned on at my new apartment. Ironically each time I talk to them they tell me that the last person messed up and some error they have never heard of happened. And then of course they say that they take full responsibility for it and they will fix it and everything will be up and running by the next day. We are on day 6 of this now where it was supposed to be turned on 5 yesterdays past now. Yes I know that didn't make sense but what am I supposed to do with this crap. Pardon the potty mouth. My grandpa is letting me use his office as my make shift replacement for now. I just hooked up my computer base to his monitor and keypad and am now working. However it is way too slow and I have nothing productive to do except this blog. So I am trying to be productive in my own right.

Other than that drama that has consumed my energy, emotion, and stamina, our apartment looks fabulous. My aunt Summer saved the day yet again and has decorated our entire apartment. I dont know what I would do without her. Probably go insane. Its nice to have someone you are so insync with, someone to just get you. Well a someone not married to me. However we joke that its actually John Summer and me in our marriage. I always find it hilarious that when I say I am hanging out with my aunt everyone assumes she is 50 and when she says she is hanging out with her niece they assume I am ten. If you go down 13 one way and up 13 the other way then its about right.

All we need now in our apartment is our table and chairs. And I desperately need a new office chair. I have been using our recliner but I found the best place for it and I dont want to end up breaking it from work which I will probably do since I am accident prone.

Accident prone, no concept of time, and bossy. That will be on my tomb stone for sure. Just kidding.

Oh and John started his training for his ForkLift Certification yesterday!!! we are so excited! This means that when he is fully certified he will start working at a better paying job and we will be moving toward our goals of getting out of debt, paying off student loans and our car and saving up lots of money to go to Samoa and getting a house. We plan on moving his family from Samoa to here with us.

Lots of new adventures coming up though! Im excited and super stoked for the rest of our lives. Its now been 7 months of marriage bliss. We have had our struggles but man oh man I love my husband!

sittin in my beanbag chair.

Moving day was a piece of cake. We got everything moved in only a few hours. Most all my boxes have been unloaded and their contents put in their rightful place. We love the new apartment and really feel at home there. I put up most of our decorations which help to bring in that homey feel.

The crap that hit the fan with the move was on saturday. When I switched over the internet and phone services to the new home I had it set up to be done on Saturday. Well the qwest guy who I dealt with online totally needs a good whoopin because he didn't finish the order so it was put on hold and i wont have the internet at our new place until they resolve it. For now I am sitting on my bean bag chair in my old apartment with my monitor on a moving box and my keyboard on my lap and mouse on another box. Lets just say that it is very ironic and very ridiculous I have to deal with this right now. But I will have a funny story later. Thats the silver lining I think. Oh wait and I was on time for work today.

Everyone should be grateful I just talk to people all day because I seriously fall asleep while at work in between calls (like for 1-2min at a time). Because if I had a different job where ppl relied on me like a bus driver, surgeon, or heavy machinery operator... we would all be in trouble.

So hears to Bean Bags and hard cold floors... and to memories being made and slept through :)

Embarrassing moment after the fact.

Today was a very productive Wednesday. I usually hate my split work week with having Sunday and Wednesday off but with the moving coming up on Friday it actually worked to my advantage.

I woke up at a decent hour and went to my Girls Camp Leadership meeting and did lots of constructive planning and had yummy oven baked pancakes. Oh my heck they were awesome. I definitely need to get that recipe. After that I went and had lunch with John and Summer. Then shopping at DI when I was supposed to be packing. I went to fife to grab some boxes from a lady who just moved out of our ward. Managed to fit all the boxes in just about every corner of my van.

Came home and unpacked said boxes and went to visit with my friend Kim and her twins who were in town visiting. Played with the twins and even got a smile out of them. I haven't seen Kim in forever. We have been friends ever since I moved here to WA.  That was 10 years ago. First friend actually. We went for a walk and saw some people from our old ward where we grew up.

Drove down the block and went to visit Megan and Chris and baby Brennan and Brindle-the dog. First thing that Megan says to me when she sees me is "is that a hickey on your neck?" And yes my friends I had a huge gigantic hickey on my neck which John gave me as I refused to wake up in the morning when he was leaving. He knows how embarrassing they are and he thinks they are funny. I just happened to forget all about the said hickey at my meeting this morning and when I went to get boxes and when I visited with kim, her mom, and other elderly members of my ward including my orthodontist and young women's president. I was so embarrassed! I remembered how with each of them they asked how my marriage was going and were pleased to see I was happy. But of course no one mentioned it until I see my friend Megan who is like a sister to me and points it out which is just like her and me.

But then the story gets better. Brennan was super upset because he is teething and wont stop crying unless he is drinking from his bottle. When i got there he was on his second bottle. The boy is a good eater. So as I am holding him and being the favorite auntie Moriah he begins to let his bowels go. Not a poopy diaper just lots of gas. John calls and his ring tone is of course from Sir Mix-a-lot "I like big butts and I cannot lie." After answering he reminds me that my aunt is waiting at my apartment to pack with me and I am of course late. Nothing new there. In the middle of our conversation Brennan projectile vomits the entire last bottles contents all over me. I just looked down and said very directly to John, "I will call you right back, something just came up." Of course there is barely any of the puke on Brennan. In fact I think it was comparable to someone pouring a bottle of milk down my front.

I had baby puke all up my sweatshirt, in my shorts (yes I mean in) and down my side. Megan couldn't stop laughing and Chris was mortified. Megan I am sure has had the projectile vomit and this was not the first time it had happened to me. Megan said to Brennan, "Its a good thing Auntie Moriah loves you so much because that was just so nasty." Oh good times.

So coming home with puke down my front I stopped to grab treats for Summer and John as retribution for my lateness again. I think it may be a problem when everyone will ask me when they should expect to see me and then always preface it with, "I know you have no concept of time...." Maybe I should get on that. I think I will start tomorrow or maybe next week. No one said I was a procrastinator tho right?

So with almost everything in our apartment packed we are ready to move out on Friday. I have all the clothes pretty much washed and the baby puke taken care of. I love being able to laugh at the ridiculousness of life and enjoy the simple things.

Holy Freaking Insoles Batman!

I was so proud of myself because I went to the gym on my break during work and without someone pushing me. With my old classic iPod I began to walk on the treadmill. Not five minutes into it my feet were killing me. And I don't just mean they ached because i haven't used them in a while. Like I wanted to sit down and massage them they hurt so bad. I had planned on doing a 5K walk because I am training for a 5K run thats in September. I kept pushing myself to go a little farther. I eventually compromised with myself and settled for 1.5 miles instead of the full 5K. I was so ticked. Then I remembered this shoe salesman tell me that the shoes we buy aren't intended for us to use their insoles. With Nike at lease he said that was the case. not sure if it was for every shoe ever made. I have never really bought insoles since I always am the one to walk around in the shoe and make sure it feels "good" before buying it. So I dashed over to Fred Meyer and read their shoe insole chart and picked out a few to try based on their notes. I freaking thought I was walking on clouds. My feet still hurt but it felt so much better. I want to be able to walk long distances and not feel like my feet are holding me back. 

When I compared the 'natural' insoles in my old worn out shoes and the new ones I purchased I was embarrassed. The ones that came with the shoe were practically as thin as a piece of paper. i was walking on the hard bottom of the shoe which of course meant my feet hated me. it could also be why my back is always hurting so freaking bad. 

I can't wait to go back to the gym tomorrow and try them out. Maybe even later tonight I can walk with the hubby. PS I am planning this exercise while sitting at work eating Chips Ahoy cookies made with Reese's! Sorry but its Period Comfort food and I feel better eating my four cookies and drinking my crystal light water/juice. 

No concept of time.

Why do I have to be an overly emotional girl. So of course my period is two days late and I took two pregnancy tests already and seriously I cried. I mean what the freaking heck is wrong with me. John was sweet and just held me and snuggled me and let me cry. He tells me that its just not our time yet and it takes years for people to get pregnant. And we are just getting used to each other and our flow so its good for us. But by golly if that didnt make me wanna cry more.

I have seriously no concept of time. it has hit me more and more lately. I have coined the term to be my trait. Seriously not kidding. Just ask my friends. Megan jokes that when they want to meet me somewhere they always tell me its half an hour earlier because that way I will only be 15min late. You might be thinking they should just tell me its 45min earlier but honestly I would still be late. You still might be shaking your head thinking I am being so rude when I am late but if you love me you would take me the way I am ok. Bruno Mars says I am wonderful ok.

John's bday yesterday was a smashing hit. I spent the morning running around with my aunt summer who woke me up and yelled "get up" in my ear. So nice. But I told her she owed me a double chocolatey Chip Frappacinno to make up for it. I got my way then! we went shopping for her kids and john's bday. Then I went brought him lunch from L&L bbq for lunch and cupcakes I bought from Safeway for his work pals. He was so super embarrased but felt so special having cupcakes for his birthday. He hates cupcakes by the way, he just likes to share with people. They asked him to stay late for work for 2 hours because three people were not there so he came home and showered and then we got ready to go to our dinner reservations at Outback Steakhouse. Which ps was fabulous. But I can totally fill up on the bread and salad. Then of course we had volleyball. All in all I say it was a success. I loved making him feel special. Oh and for his birthday he got the Xbox 360 from last week as his early gift and a Mikasa Volleyball(very nice vball he has wanted forever) and he got a new LouisVille Slugger baseball mit and a baseball. I had made him think he was only getting the Xbox 360 so he was super surprised when he went into the bedroom and found the sports stuff on the bed.

He is super cute when he is excited because he is not super sure how to act. He says that on the inside he wants to dance around and holler and say "choo hooo" but then he realizes other people might think he is crazy so he just is quiet and smiles. I have to aks him if he is really happy about it and he says he of course is.

We move in 8 days people! Super stoked. Soon I will be talking nonstop about how I am decorating it. But for now its just a bunch of ideas and dreams. Some of the dreams tho are weird... Not the place to share tho. But lets just say they make Edward Scissor hand look normal.

Major Chocolate Bing

I haven't had a major chocolate craving in so long but today after my two hour nap it was time. So after buying cookies, icecream, and truffles to last me till the end of time, I felt satisfied. Oh and a double chocolatey Chip Frapacinno! John came up with that one on his own. He is so good.

Tomorrow is John's 24th Bday and I am so excited. He has no idea so no one tell him I have plans. In fact I will leave those details until after I do them... I dont need any leaks! I was told today that I brag too much about John in my blog. They asked me, "do you want everyone to be jealous of your husband. We get it, he's great." I mean ouch. That certainly was not my intention. I do have an amazing husband who I love with all my heart, but I certainly dont want to rub salt in anyones insecurieties or struggles. I guess its just therapeutic for me to have my blog and to remind myself that even though we struggle and even though I get depressed or stressed, and I have the chance of being infertile, I still have an amazing man standing beside me.

On a very happy note we paid the deposit on the apartment so I now have my new address. I am so stoked. We went out to celebrate on Monday and had our first official family home evening with volleyball for our activity. We sang I am a child of God only slightly out of key. I think I am just now getting used to married life. I can't wait for our one year anniversary because we are taking our honeymoon. We never had one so we are going to go somewhere special. We were thinking Disney Land and other fun stuff in California. Somewhere warm in September would be ideal. I haven't been to Disney Land or California since I was 12 so I have no idea what to expect. But it all sounds so very promising.

I had the best time visiting with a new friend today. Tasha is due with twin girls in June and sadly she is now moving away from me. We have a ton in common which is always a refresher. And she has two super adorable boys already which makes me happy to visit with them. Her son Logan is quite the entertainer. Ugh... there go the baby thoughts. Anyways, her grandma is a professional crocheter. I mean she writes books and creates the cutest patterns. She made these oh so adorable hats for the girls that were just beyond unique. She made hats that look like cupcakes, strawberries, squash, and every other kind you could think of.  So I am looking forward to doing lots of crocheting now that I have a buddy. I actually noticed that lots of women in my ward bring their crocheting to church and do it during all the meetings. Maybe I will do the same. Could be interesting. My grandma would just die!

Impatience, infertility, and nausea..... babies babies babies

So me and John have been trying to get pregnant for about 4 months without any success. And every time my period is almost here or a few days late I take a pregnancy test. My stomach gets in knots and my hands start to shake. And every time I get the same response in various different ways. There's the sad face, the single line, the ''no" and the "not pregnant." All of which leave me crying and in a world of unwarranted grief of what I never had.  And to make matters worse I am nauseated. I have been told to wait it out and just see if the test is wrong. But this happens every time I test. I second guess it and end up buying 3 more different tests just to be told I'm infertile. Ok maybe that is a little harsh but when everyone else around me is getting pregnant on their first try or when they aren't trying its a little hard to not have doubts about my fertility. It's not like I am unhappy for them or want to take their happiness away, I just so desperately want to have a baby.

I have been in preparation for being a mom my whole life. I practically raised my siblings and helped raise my cousins. I have always been called the surrogate mom. As much as I know that is a term of endearment, I wish I just wasn't a surrogate and could be an actual mom. John is such a dear and he never bothers me about not getting pregnant. In fact he is the exact opposite. He always asks when my "evaluation" is. His terms for Ovulation. And he wont ask me to test or blame me for not being pregnant. He just waits for me to tell him I tested and it was negative. And then he says it must not be the right time and everything will work out. Oh if only I had that kind of faith. I do have faith but sometimes I want to just be in control of everything and make it happen rather than just waiting for God's time. I know his time is much more efficient since I am always behind and late for everything, but man if only I could be right on this one.

Lately there has been that annoying commercial on the radio that says at the end "for the part of you that's worried about the economy, and the all of you that wants a baby..." Ugh I have to change the station every freaking time. John however listened to it and heard one of the statistics that stated that many couples have to use alternative forms of conception. IVF and surrogacy. According to the American Pregnancy Association, about 10% of couples in child bearing years experience infertility.

And to complicate things more I was diagnosed with endometriosis at age 17. Basically its a horrible disease that is never cured but treated with hormones found in birth control. I did have surgery to diagnose the disease in which they cauterized all the endometrial tissue. This left me with a bunch of scar tissue but I have no idea where and the problem is that they would have to open me up again to figure it out which causes more scar tissue. Some women with endometriosis have had children without any complications. Others are infertile and others have hysterectomies. At 17 I was devastated with all the possibilities and now I am even more so since I am actually able and wanting to have children.

We discussed adoption as one alternative and IVF. We wont know for sure about anything until I go see my MD next month to check to see what my chances are at a "normal" conception. I keep praying and leaning on my husband because he knows me best and he is also in this with me 100%. How many women can say that about their spouse or partner? What does give me hope and peace is knowing that I was made to be a mom. I have heard that in many blessings and even in my patriarchal blessing. So I am going to do my part and John will certainly be doing his and we know the Lord is looking out for us and our children. Where ever they may be and whenever we get to meet them.

Bowling for realz

So instead of doing the traditional now adays and doing wii bowling, our friends Chelsey and David Jarvis invited us to go bowling for real at Secoma Lanes. This would be John's Second time and my Kadrillionth time. However I suck even at the wii and sadly I am no better in the real thing either. We were of course late because I always am. They are such troopers to still be our friends after us never being on time. And I mean never. Like at least a half our late each time... That should have been a New Years Resolution... oops. next year right. I swear anything we do John always is good at it, and bowling is no different apparently. after quite a few spares and strikes I started to accept that he will always be a natural at what he does.

On my brk today I got to go to a baby shower for my friend Tasha who is having twin girls come June. I am so jealous! but in a good way. I finally had an excuse to not only look at baby stuff but buy baby stuff too! It was also really nice to have been able to see women from our ward outside of relief society. We are so lucky to be in an amazing ward. Everyone is so approachable and really accepting of people.That is really hard to find now adays.

So we are counting our blessings, Including the blessing of moving in 13days~

Taking Time for me.

As my aunt Summer pointed out to me last night, my epiphany will keep happening again and again in my life and I should just get used to it. My ah ha moment happened when I began to plan to go to the gym. Everything and everyone started to get in the way of that plan and it kept seeming like I wouldn't get there at all. John and I had planned to go to volleyball that started at 9. At 8pm after doing errands together I was almost ready to just say I would wait with him to go to volleyball and skip the gym. But then this little rebel in my put her foot down and said, "wait a second. NO. You will not put yourself on the back burner. Going to the gym will make you happy. You deserve to think about yourself. Now make yourself a priority." That hit home and I had a new surge of motivation. So I got ready and made it to the gym at 8:30pm. That left little time for me to do anything but I didn't care. I put myself as a priority and went to the gym. It didn't matter that I would only get to do a mile on the treadmill. I didn't care about the length. The point was that I was taking care of myself. And you know what? It felt great.

I am one of those people who tend to lose themselves in helping others. I forget about what I need or want because I am so worried about taking care of those around me. In fact I get so busy I forget to do the simple things like eat something for lunch. It's no ones fault but my own. No one is making me put myself on the back burner. No one is forcing my hand to help them. I do it because I know that people are important and you should help where and when you can. The thing is, that I am also important and I forget that in order to help someone else you have to be helping yourself along the way too. I was beginning to feel completely lost and burnt out.

Another epiphany I had was a few weeks ago when I realized why I was keeping the weight on and why I had gained more weight than I had ever thought possible. When me and John made the decision to elope it was the best thing for us. We honestly were madly in love and we had the option of waiting a year and being married in the temple, or get married right away and start our lives together and then be sealed in a year. I believe the choice was obvious. However not everyone has the same opinion and in fact I lost friends over my decision. I was criticized out loud by friends and family. Everyone assumed I must have been pregnant and was trying to hide the shame of it. Well sorry to say to them that six months later I may look pregnant but there is no baby in there my so called friends. So I began to eat as a comfort against what people were saying and the pointing of the fingers. I unconsiously was choosing to gain the weight so people who would point their fingers at me would do so not because of my marriage, but because I was fat. That may seem totally illogical but it was what I was doing. Being fat is an obvious problem. My marriage was under attack and I was trying to protect it from people. I was trying to protect my dear sweet husband. We had done nothing but love eachother and made a grown up decision that affected our lives. And no one wanted to respect that.

But I realized that despite my efforts to shield our marriage and John from criticism and judgments, those still come and even now people like to bring it up. Which by they way is old hat and people should get their own life. So my efforts were not working. So instead I am going to take care of me since people will always judge and have something to say and I can't change that. I can however take care of myself and love my husband and live happily ever after. It still hurts when people judge but I have to just disregard their sideways glances and know that I am in a happy marriage and to an amazing man who loves me no matter what. John always tells  me that I am beautiful and perfect just the way I am. How many women can say that about their husbands. I am so lucky to have John in my life and have him care for me. So I am going to forget about everyone else and focus on him and oh ya... ME!

Grrrr

I am not usually a vengeful or vindictive person. Sure I can hold a grudge and I certainly know how to be mean. I just would rather everyone get along or ignore whoever it is who bugs you. However for the lady upstairs I have to make an exception. I'm considering leaving some of Leo and Izzy's finest productions under her door mat as a farewell gift. We refer to the lady upstairs as Elephant lady. She has some serious passive aggressive issues. Anytime me or John have music on or the tv on she stops and jumps up and down like a two year old throwing a fit. Mind you the bass isn't on high or the volume. She justs wants us to be in complete compliance with what she likes. She has complained to the apartment managers about us countless times and has had ppl come ask us to turn it down.Actually they come over and say, "she is complaining again. I know its not loud, I just have to come ask." its really quite petty. So today i finally called the managers on her since I am so not going to keep putting up with her crap. I mean who vacuums at 6am on sunday morning. She was jumping up and down since john had the radio on. Anyways the point is that the managers wanted to come have us play our music and stand in her home and then listen to how loud it is to see who is right. Seriously? I mean come on we are all adults. She can just ask us to turn it down or she can just shut up since its not loud. that makes me sound harsh but this has been going on for two years now and I am so done. I can't wait to move.

Counting down the days

We are too excited to move. 16more days and I already used all but one box we had for moving. Time to go to Costco and get more. Since today is my day off I get to do absolutely nothing and everything. I have to arrange for all my internet and phone services to be moved, pack, clean, and possibly pamper myself. Who am I kidding, Of course I am going to pamper myself!

We were so blessed to get in a car accident on our wedding day. To explain, we just received half of the settlement which was enough coushion money to help with sending John to Samoa for his sister Ina's graduation. Sadly its not enough for me to go also but soon enough I will be shipping out! John feels so much better having a job and having some extra money for once. He even went to far as to buy me diamond earings! I have never had anything so nice in my entire life. I have really sensitive ears too so I can't wear anything from Claire's or the like. So these babies will never leave my ears ever! I even wore my hair down litterally over the past few days. John loves my long hair and honestly I am not really sure why I ever cut it.

To go along with what some of my friends have been saying, Marriage is tough. Its a constantly roller coaster but its worth it. We have had a whirlwind romance. Dated for 6weeks- got engaged. Engaged for 6weeks- were married. And for 6 months we struggled and lived off one income. Money sure isn't everything but just like they mentioned in General Conference on Sunday, you need to be temporally taken care of before you can  be spiritually fed. Not having money puts strain on the individual and the couple. I think for a man its hard not to be working because they want to take care of their family. John loves treating me and making sure I have everything I could possibly want. Thing is that I never wanted ever. I always had what I wanted. That sounds way sappy but I am not a very materialistic person. But I wont pass up a good bargain or nice things either if I can afford it. Hopefully thats not a contradictions.

To add to my list of Moriah's Consumer Report:
        Gyro House in the Seatac Mall is amazing and everyone should eat there. Its way better than the Greek restaurant in the supermall. I am on a Greek fedish right now. I have had 3 gyros in the last 5 days. Not sure how the calorie count works out but it sure tastes mm... mmm... good! Calling all Greek People "we need you to open up a Greek Restaurant in Federal Way. I will keep you in business. Promise!"
      
        Chipotle is way better than Qudoba Mexican Grill. I know its so Americanized to the max but I love it. Chipotle has better chips and Quac and the burritos are much tastier. Qudoba has awesome nacho sauce tho.

And that concludes my rambling for the day. Now I am off to not be productive for a few hours. Oh the joy!

Holy Cow I am blessed!

Had the best time today with the inlaws and my hubby! Marriage is so nice in so many ways but today I enjoyed waking up in my hubby's arms and  my puppies at our feet. Since it is now April John tells me that I am in for a world of hurt. He is such a jokester and since his bday is in April he has informed me that this is his month. So When April Fools Day come and went I was looking forward to the lack of jokes. However day two in April John is full of more jokes and I am feeling like this is a premonition of what is to come in the next 27days...

Speaking of birthdays. John is going to be 24 on the 13th of this month! and I get to play the good wifey and host the party! So we are planning on a home warming/bday bash for him on April 30th... He even got a new bbq grill so he is going to be doing lots of bbq'ing from now on! thats alot of exclamation points but I am super excited about all of it!

Izzy was fixed this week. She was such a whiney girl every day for the past few weeks. she would be waking me up and then howling during my work... I just couldn't take it any more. She has been sore for a few days but I think it will help to not have to always watch her so closely and of course the lack of a doggy period. Yuck!

I realized just how I am blessed today. Not that I didn't realize it before but while watching conference I felt God's love so strongly. I was so afraid I would marry an abusive, critical, or horrible man and instead I got teh best man out there. John is so sweet to me and is always tellin me how beautiful I am and how much he loves me. He is so gentle and caring. With him I always feel safe and secure. Im not sure how or why I got so lucky but I am grateful all the same. And John says he feels the same about me. And hopefully some day soon we will be blessed enough to have a little one all of our own. Thats not an anouncement... just wishful wanting/thinking.