My little baby.

Seeing our baby yesterday was the highlight of my life. Marrying John of course was epic but actually getting to see our baby on the screen was priceless. John had expected the image to be bigger and actually see our baby, but he was still happy. the first picture they got showed something that looked like an arm waving at us. it was so cute. it could have just been the umbilicle cord but i like to think baby was waving to us saying "hi mom, hi dad! Look at me" seriously so precious. And to see the heart beat truly made me wanna cry. It was like my mommy vibes took over and I knew that our baby was the most precious thing to me. It made it completely real.

Of course I am now free to go buy baby stuff since we now have the first ultrasound done but I can't bring myself to buy anything not knowing the gender. People who actually wait are more daring than I am because I know I couldn't handle it.

But just the fact that we got to actually see our little someone was more than I could have hoped. And its just one baby. I am actually farther along than they had first thought. I am 11weeks 2 days. Before they would have said I am 10weeks days. So I am really 2 days farther along but I will take it! This means just one more week and I am out of the first trimester which I am praying means no more nausea. Like maybe there is a switch that clicks off and you aren't sick anymore. Well i can only hope. In the meantime I am going to just dream of holding my little baby. :)

Drum Roll>>>> Baby's first deput tomorrow!

I am so freaking stoked right now I dont think i could sleep even if I attempted. We have our first ultrasound appointment tomorrow at 4:30pm and I am positively estatic. First of course there is the doubt that maybe I have had it all wrong and its a molar pregnancy or an ectopic pregnancy or even that I wasn't pregnant to begin with and its just a fluke... so of course thats the negative side of me that kicks into overdrive whenever something huge is about to happen. Then I check myself. I do this all the time so I have to ask myself how realistic am I being. Where are these thoughts coming from. basically be my own shrink since I do it for a living anyway. who knew tobacco cessation would pass over into my personal life.

John has had a count down for baby's first picture for a week now. He is a little more excited than I am I think. He of course has no worries. In fact he has brought up twins more than once so now I am even considering the possibility of it. Fact... both sides of my family have twins in their line. And John has twins in his too... so there is  a good chance it could be twins. Or I could just be overly dramatic which we know I never am... and it is just one little munchkin who just likes to get attention. Which we will be more than happy to deliver.

So far today I haven't had any serious bouts of nausea. I didn't throw up once today. Instead I have been starving and I wanted a cheeseburger so bad I was about to rob a fast food joint. Basically I want meat all the time now. I can't decide if the nausea is gone or if its just where normal pregnant women have it. I am still on the meds for the nausea and I am not ok with stopping them anytime soon. I like not throwing up and having an appetite for once. Maybe I will actually put some weight on now. Did I really just consider that a good thing? All for the baby right. Then after the baby comes it will be back to losing the weight and becoming the new and improved sexy mama! I cracked myself up just now. Maybe I am tired after all.

Ina went to stay the night over at their cousins house tonight and I am going through withdrawls. Who knew I would become so attached to someone so quickly. Then there was talk of her staying a week... not sure I want to let her go for a week! The house already feels so empty without her here and I am pretty sure Leo and Izzy are ticked she is gone. She dotes on them. They ignore me and only focus on her. I dont mind so much. Leo is now her dog and Izzy is John's dog. I told them I am ok with it because baby will be all mine! they both just got defensive almost to say they would give up the dog to have the baby. Cracked me up.

We did our routine volleyball over at the stakecenter with some friends and new potential friends. I had to sit out because I dont really want to have to move so fast right now. I mean not to long ago speed bumps made me up chuck. And I am thinking running after a ball would be a bad mix. Plus I think John would just stand in front of me and not let me touch the ball for fear it could damage me or the baby. Such an over protective guy. He puts up with me which is no small task. Last night I even asked him to go grab me some nilla wafers while I layed in bed so I could calm the nausea. So he gets up and goes to find them and bring them to me. Mind you he had been almost sleeping... I try not to take advantage of his sweetness.

Now John is giving me the "get off the computer and come to bed look." Ok night all! I will post stuff after visiting with the Midwife! Ahh so excited.

Learning new lessons

I am very content with my life right now. I have a wonderful husband and a baby on the way. We have a sweet little home with two cars. We both have jobs and are securing our future. Hopefully we will be buying a house soon in the next 3 years. I am just counting my blessings.

Having Ina, John's sister, stay with us for the Summer has taught me a few lessons right away. Neither John or Ina say anything negative about people. Honestly its a shock to me since there are so many stereotypes in the world today. Yesterday we went to buy gas and there was a lady who had all kinds of different colored hair and some huge fingernails that were longer than her own fingers. My reaction was to tell Ina to look and commented how shocking it was. I said I thought it was ugly and Ina just said simply that she thought the nails were pretty and she liked the color and the ladies hair was very interesting. Puts me to shame I tell you. Even though obviously the ladies choice in her appearance is shocking and not the norm it was still something she chose and not to be judged by myself. We were buying bathing suits at a store last week and Ina commented that one of the ladies was very pretty. When i turned to see who she was talking about I found she was referring to a very obese lady. I was taken aback at first and then looked again and noticed that the lady had a very pretty face and was in very cute clothes. Again I was taught a lesson.

With our baby on the way I keep thinking about what I want to instill in our child and I am thinking that when we have John's parent live with us our kids will have some serious values instilled within them. If having Ina is any indication of what it will be like than I think I will be very ok with it.

Updates: John is home. Ina is a Godsend.

John is home! yay! i haven't had any time obviously to do anything but monopolize his time and I am not sorry one bit. It felt like torture to be away from eachother and complete relief to have him home. We have a wonderful new addition to our family. John's sister Ina has come to stay with us for a bit over the summer. Honestly don't know what I would do without her. She is not a bother in the least. She helps me more than I ever thought possible and she does it without complaint or expectations of anything in return. She blends in very nicely into our life which is very reassuring to know that adding someone in the mix isn't as overwhelming as I thought it would be. AKA baby is coming in January!

On that pregnancy front I am happy to report that the vomitting is lessened with the new medication and no prenatals. My grandma about died when I told her I wasn't on prenatals. But my Dr. is the one who said to go without it for now since I need to be able to eat and keep something down. Our next visit is in 10 days! We will get to hear baby's heart beat and see something of a blob on the screen. And such a loveable blob it is.

I am actually showing a little bit which is fun. I was thinking it was just me until John said something about it and same with our neighbor lady too. While I was reading in one of my books it says you might start to show while others say it is too early to show. And others say it could be just gas or constipation. Well after drinking some prune juice... its not the constipation to say the least. and I am pretty sure its not about the gas. Maybe its the too much chocolate and fries before the baby... but even then I wonder. Nope I am calling it my mini-baby bump because that is what it is to me. I am making a list of items that I need to get for baby while also making a list of what I think i need but in reality have been told I will never use- so I wont be wasting money on them. Baby is going to be so spoiled!

I have been trying to connect to baby during the day by just spending some time thinking about baby and the future baby will have in our family. Honestly when you are sick all day long it kinda ruins the magic of everything. I don't really feel like a mom just yet. My friends who are mom's or mom's to be have given me comfort by telling me its normal to just feel sick and not have the mom role feel real or applicable right away. So I am trying not to be too hard on myself. Time is plenty right now. And hopefully the vomit and nausea will end in a few weeks and I can just feel like blissful happy pregnancy!

Surprisingly proactive!

I am very super duper surprised at myself today. I went to work. Then I cooked Mac N Cheese for myself. I was famished so I ate the whole box, then I laid down for a bit. Took the dogs for their routine walk and threw up in the bushes half of the box. Vacuumed the apartment!(been a while) and then did the dishes and then scrubbed the carpet in the van. It has had many a spills in it before we got it. And I am expecting many more to come but that carpet needed some work. I am planning to take it to my grandparents tomorrow and return the carpet cleaner vacuum we borrowed two months ago and use it to clean out the rest of the van. I mean come on people this is progress!

Could it be that I have turned a new leaf? Or maybe the fact that John and his sister get here tomorrow night and I don't like having the house messy and promised John I would have it all clean when he gets back. We will let him decide I think. I still have a few loads to do of laundry. Since our washer and dryer are midget sized its basically half a load's worth which means two of johns shirts and maybe a few socks. Not very much at all.

But now I am going to have helping hands so I wont feel completely overwhelmed every single day! I miss John so much and I am not ashamed to say i cried many a time while he was gone. I am so sick of people telling me to get over it. Honestly it makes me want to punch them in the face. If you have never had a good marriage or relationship like what I have, don't assume i am being overly dramatic or needy. In our marriage he is my other half and when he isn't here its honestly like half of me is missing and I am scrambling to figure out how to cope. Maybe I complain too much about missing him but then if that's the case people shouldn't be reading it! 


Ok maybe that is harsh but come on now. Who has any right to judge anyone else? 


Pregnancy is making me a little crankier than usual I think. I am more sensitive to things. still can't stomach most foods and I can't sleep on my stomach any more. I have achne like I am 12 and my waistline is making it so even my stretchy pants are not stretchy enough. :( but sadness is that I am not showing very much and one book said that what I think is me "showing" could just be constipation and bloating. Very sexy dont you think? I might want to take care of that before John gets here...


I also need to have some yummy food ready for when they get home. Now who can I rangle to come cook food for me for them? lol... Now I am off to walk my friends Dog like I do everyday and then do more work. I do enjoy having my 3 hour lunch brk. Keeps things interesting. 

Food tragedy.

Today the baby decided that it didn't like pickles. Which ps is like my favorite snack. And might I add that pickles do not taste good coming back up. I swear I can't eat anything. I can't figure out what I can eat because even with the medicine I can't eat anything. I was hoping bread would work but that turned out to be a flop.

Hopefully its just stress about John being gone. He does come home tomorrow night! He wont be here till late wednesday night. Oh man do I miss my man. Once he gets here I think it will be all better. or we will just wait another 3.5 weeks. oh please let it only be for 3.5 more weeks.  I dont think I can take it much longer. I know I am whining but who wouldn't whine when they throw up everything and can't do anything because they might throw up. And might I add where ever I am I throw up. Walmart. Restaurants. Side walks. Parks. Ugh.

Missing my Husband... :(

I tell you what I am a huge fan of my husband. Him not being here is the worst thing that has ever happened. I might be slightly melodramatic. We woke up very early to be ready for the plane. His cousin Angel drove us there since I can't seem to drive without throwing up. We parted at the gate and I cried the whole time. Ugh the first day was horrible and now it is slightly better. We talk tons but its hard trying to not use up all the calling card minutes.

Summer has been awesome and came over monday and wednesday to help keep me company. She helped me clean yesterday which I so needed. She told me to turn on the music and blast it because that would help me out. Turns out she is right. I need noise. Sitting in a quiet empty house is not fun.

I will not take John for granted ever because I can't stand the thought of him not being here. I can't watch LOST right now because honestly that is his show and its too depressing. So I am now just doing the sappy love movies. Precious. And today I decided to go to my happy place and watch FRIENDS!

Babee is now the size of a rasberry. woohoo! and the medicine is helping with the nausea. I need to remember to eat something more often though. I had the shakes a while ago because I didn't have enough to eat. Bad Momma.

But 6 more days and I get to see John! I can't wait!... counting down!

Where has my clean house gone!

Between being pregnant which leads to feeling sick all day and being exhausted, and working 40hrs a week, my house cleaning has taken a hit. I hate being messy. I hate it when the dishes are in the sink and all I have to do is start the dishwasher and then unload...but that seems like such a huge chore I can't even start to lift my hand in that direction. My floor hasn't been vacuumed in I at least a week and I have yet to thoroughly clean my shower. My aunt has helped out twice to clean up the kitchen and John helps out so much too. I feel so completely lame to not be doing everything and having the house spotless. I hate how the clean clothes are just sitting in the laundry basket waiting to be put up. The dirty ones taunting me in the dirty clothes hampers in the bathroom. Ugh... this just reeks of years to come being a mom. I guess I need to figure this out before the baby comes because I will have less time and less energy then. however I wont be throwing up so there is hope at the end of the tunnel.

My goal for today is to vacuum the floor and do one load of laundry. I started the dishwasher and cleaned the toilet. So I think I am making progress. Now if I can just have the meds kick all the way in and make me feel not nauseated that would be perfect. But the throwing up has slowed down a bit.

John leaves on Monday for Samoa so I need to get a handle of things before he leaves because I am not sending him off on a ten day trip with no clean underwear or socks! And I am sure I wont want to clean anything at that time either.

First Baby Appointment

Yesterday I was told that we would hear the baby's heart beat today at our appointment. Sadly we were misinformed. It was really just informational stuff and they made me pee in a cup(harder than it sounds for girls thank you very much) and they had me give blood samples. He missed the first vein in my left arm. he said he could keep digging under the muscle for the vein or do another one. Ya I hate needles so he used the other arm and got the vein. Why do my veins have to be fickle like that. But it wasn't a total loss. They did give me medicine to help with nausea. I was even able to keep some food down! Score one for the Midwife!

We had a very wonderful visit with Megan and baby Brennan today. I thought John was going to leave but instead as soon as they got here John took Brennan and started to play with him. He was having fun with the baby. Stretching his daddy muscles. He is going to be a great Dad. He kept making Brennan laugh just by talking to him. Brennan was beside himself. He loved the dogs. They love the little human. I think he was equally as excited that the dogs were his size. Leo kept licking him all over. We just need the dogs to learn not to lick the baby or to lick the bottles or the binkies.

I know it is too soon. I mean I am only 6weeks and 5days prego. But I do have a baby registry started. I wanted to get a head start on the preparations. Not like i can buy all the stuff right now. But it helps to have that hope in the form of a list.

So hear I am on the couch with Izzy laying her head on my legs and I am in my Snuggie. Thats right i caved. I finally have a snuggie. And you know what, I like it. Megan brought it for me today. She is super thoughtful like that. I am going to take full access of it at work. I right now have blankets I just wrap around me like a shawl so it will be so nice to have something like this. I totally dogged on them before but now I think I am a believer.

So as of right now I am not vomitting. I am in a snuggie. And my hubby is giving me all kinds of wonderful love. Very tender. Love of my life. And then there was three!