Life Changes: Bring it on or not.

 I swear we never have a regular/normal situation. Maybe that is what is normal. John was officially laid off from work today. It was quite bitter sweet. It means we can finally move on and really pursue every possible lead. it has become more and more apparent that we need to focus on a career not just a job. We already started the process of getting John into school for welding at Bates Technical College. There is a wait list so we are trying to find work for him right now to help us get through the winter and school. Its definitely a process and a stressful one at that. But we do feel there is a purpose for all this. I read or heard somewhere that its best to have nothing when you are first married, than it is to be given everything. It helps you to grow as a couple. I can certainly attest to the growing part. We really value what we have and do not take things for granted.

At this point I will increase my work hours from 30 hours to 40 hours starting next week. Then if John doesn't get a stead job in the next week I am going to apply for a second job that's part time. if John is home with Mati I won't worry so much about him. Honestly I am willing to do whatever it takes to take care of our family. One thing that really hurts is when people judge John because of the lack of work. He means everything to me and when someone judges him it hurts me deeply and i want to strike back. It's not like he chose to not work. He was working between 40-60 hours per week at the high point, and now there isn't any jobs at Orkin for the next month and even after that. We do have one job lead that hopefully we hear back from soon about any position that may be open.

I just know it has to all work out. It always does so we just have to keep working at it. I have to stop being impatient and start accepting where we are right now instead of wishing things were different.

Perma-Art

Before I met John I told my friends I wanted a reformed bad boy with tattoos. Then John comes along with my perfect night in shining armor with his sexy tattoo!!!

I have never had the gumption to get one myself, until recently. I was given the advice that you don't get a tattoo until you fall in love with a specific tattoo and area for at least a year. I had drawn a tattoo and decided once I had our first child I would get a tattoo.

And so today I finally got my tattoo! It's gorgeous and I love it. I hunted down the artist for months and months before I decided on the right artist. Now John gets his sleeve finished soon!

I am so happy I did it but so glad it's over. That was way too painful to go through again! The ankle and foot were the worst. Kamu(tattoo artist) gave me a roll of paper towels to squeeze and by the end of the 3 1/2hours it looked more like a dogs chew toy. I squeezed, bit, hit and pretty much obliterated the thing. But I held still for most of the time!

John says he can hold perfectly still... We shall see about that!

Our little man

Mati turns 6 months on Saturday and he just gets cuter and cuter

Baby kaka perfume?

I have good news for all the moms out there... It really does get better! Mati started sleeping through the night for two nights in a row now! Tonight would be the third night... Tonight he cried for about 10min.. John went in and found Mati had rolled onto his belly from his back(he has never done that before). When Mati hear his daddy coming in he rolled back over and then fell right to sleep in his knock out position when John put his binky in. I love the binky. Such a freaking lifesaver.

We went out to see a movie today (matinee of course) and I forgot the Binky!!! It was during his last nap of the day so of course I was panicking when he got fussy... As much as I tried I was not a suitable binky. Luckily he dozed off after I got up and walked the hall. We are using the cry method since honestly the no cry method was harder. Harder on me. With him waking up every two hours I would have to stop work and go take care of him which puts my job at risk and thats not good for our entire family. Then he would only sleep when he was in bed with us--- my own fault. I enjoyed snuggling my baby way too much. But I do get a solid 3 hours of sleep now when Mati sleeps till 6am! then he is in bed with me again since he refuses to sleep alone after doing 10hours of it already... and I refuse to keep getting up when I just got to sleep.

John says Mati farts like an adult. He has stinky farts like his mom. He says our son's butt is so stinky. He says that baby's poop should be like a perfume. Yes that is my man.

Yesterday we went for a two mile walk into town from our home. It was so nice to get out and do something physical. Our neighbor across from us had a sign saying if we came and picked them, we could have all the rasberries we wanted. I love raspberries so much! we went and picked 7cups full! We came home after munching on a few and John washed our cars while I put Mati down for his last nap of the day. Then I went in and started to rinse off the raspberries. I was so grossed out. The berries I had just munched on had little larva crawling in and out of them and little bugs on them! I know fruit and veggies are outside and get bugs on them but oh my gosh I was so grossed out. I really didn't want to toss out all of them so I went and hand washed/rinsed each individual raspberry and did throw away 1/3 of them yesterday and probably only ate 1/2 cup... today I tossed the rest because they had mold on them and I found more bugs. Needless to say we are firm believers in pesticides... I love my organic food but not that organic. John says it gives it more flavor and I said if he ever wanted to kiss me again he wont eat that nasty stuff.

I don't think he believes me. After all he did just eat half of a pig's head the night before. I walked into the kitchen and there was the pig's jaw exposed with his teeth! I was so grossed out... Totally tossed it out with john's blessing. I just can't do the whole eating animals that you can obviously tell have been animals. When we picked out the pig for the BBQ last week I wouldn't let John take the smallest one because it was just a baby! I prefer to think of my meat as something that you get at a store. I know its not realistic but it works for me!

Every so often it hits me that I am a real grown up living on my own with my own family. Duh! but I still see myself as this young person and here I am with my husband and our son in our home with two cars and bills to pay and real jobs. It kills me that i have been at my current job for over three years now. To think the longest I have ever had a job before this was only a few months at a time.

I am loving our life together and I am so excited for our two year anniversary that is coming up in September. I can't believe how far we have come!

BBQ's and Roast Piggies.

Fourth of July with a baby is way different. Working nights I sleep when Mati sleeps which means we get two-three naps a day. But on weekends and holidays he gets his naps and I might sneek one in. On the Fourth of July we went and had a bbq with my aunt Summer and her kids at 5 Mile Lake. John made his amazing bbq chicken which we gobbled down in no time. Our little set up was amazing complete with a canopy and a little tent thingy that had see through sides- this is where me and our little man slept off our brunchupper (breakfast/lunch/dinner combo). We originally brought our two small dogs with us but that turned into a "no-go" within minutes of carrying our load of goodies to our designated spot. I dont know why it is that they have such anxiety whenever I walk away from them. Seriously its an issue and I dont know how to fix it. I did look into private obedience classes but they run $100/hr. So long story short- John saw my stress with having the dogs freak out every second and my hassle trying to keep them from running away and holding a baby- so he took them home.

We decided that taking Mati to our traditional firework show at Celebration Park in Federal Way was out of the question. John  was a little sad not to keep up our tradition this year. back in 2010 we had our first 4th of July together and that was the first "I Love You" I ever said to him. My engagement ring actually looks like a firework. Can you tell we love this holiday. My grandparents who rarely are up before 11am woke up reportedly at 9am because according to my Grandma "this is a very important day for our Country." Well as amazing as it is historically we really just like the pretty lights and bbq- I should probably work on the whole patriotic side for Mati's sake. I know we are so blessed to live in this country.

John ended up passing out on the couch watching news and I put Mati to  bed and then went in to feed him around 11pm and we watched the firework flashes (not the actual lights) reflected off our carport. Not the traditional Independence day but it was nice.

We love our new home so much! I think I already wrote a blog about how amazing it is, but honestly the mold infested apartment we lived in before was so horrible that we are so truly grateful for this new mold-free home. Knock on wood. The only thing is that we are still without a W/D. So we will be doing laundry at grandma's house tomorrow! Hopefully Tuesday we will buy a set off Craigslist and not have to haul over our laundry to everyone else's home. I love not being woken up from kids jumping on the bed on our ceiling. Even better I love having our own space and not having to share parking with anyone. I hated trying to find parking in the apartments we lived at before.

Our neighbor in our duplex is really sweet. She lives alone with her two very chubby weener dogs. I love that  the four dogs can play outside together. its so nice not to have to walk the dogs at 4am to let them go potty. NO accidents so far in our home. Seriously am so done with that issue. I can't stand animals peeing and pooping in the house.

Today we celebrated our friend's birthday over at Lake Tapps. John and his best friend David cooked up a whole pig. Chelsey(david's wife) and I went with John to pick out the pig on Monday this past week- we picked the godzilla pig according to John. I thought it was the perfect pig who had the perfect big chunky butt! John was so nervous about making sure the pig was cooked all the way through. He hasn't cooked a pig since he lived in Samoa 6 years ago. It was quite the adventure. He cooked it in the traditional Umu. Its way better than the Tongan or Hawaiian way- Not that I have ever seen the other way  before. Everyone who came to the party was so thrilled to have a whole pig. But John's famous bbq chicken stole the show.

In two months we will have been married two years. Time has flown by and we have had so many adventures. We have certainly been through rough times and yet happy times. John is my best friend and my biggest advocate. I dont want to know where I would be without him because it would be such a depressing place. Yay for my own happily ever after.

Moving- check!

I am so happy to be out of our mold infested apartment and in our cozy duplex! So many things we love about our new home. We are mostly settled- just some miscellaneous boxes of junk to most likely throw out. Why is it you don't realize how much crap you have until you move- and I love to throw away anything I can!

Out family came and helped us pack up and move all day Friday. Only a few fatalities. Andrew(lil bro) had a couched drop on his head. We found mold on our bed frame, box spring, and mattress so they were all tossed out. My instant reaction was "seriously?!?@&$#" I went right to the idea of getting out credit to buy a whole new set and just paying it of gradually. I had it all worked out.

My oh so wise and careful husband made me see reason- aka our budget and goals. We have been diligently getting ourselves out of debt and here I am planning our way back into debt- not my finest moment. After more than a few pouting moments, I saw how irresponsible and irrational I was being. Shopping has always made me feel better! Bad habits die hard.

Instead we decided to borrow a bed set from my grandparents until we can afford a brand new mattress and bed frame. I have such a smart hubby. If it were just me I think I would run us bankrupt with shop therapy! Not completely kidding.

Now that we ate mold free and unpacking I feel a lot more peace and calm about where we are at now. No more stressing over if we are going to get sick from the mold.

So grateful I talked to our friend Joni. If she hadnt helped me get some balls I wouldn't have done all my research to get us out of that place. As she put it "sometimes you have to borrow somebody else's balls until you grow a pair and they fall down from your uterus" - such profound words if wisdom.

Like Father like Son

I absolutely love when my boys are together. John will play Xbox and Mati will try to take over the remote. I thought we could try letting Mati hold the other remote and see how he does with it. He examined it for a while and began to really try to play like Daddy. He did of course try to eat it too. Loves anything that he can shove in his mouth. Fingers, clothes, dogs... Mati thinks that Leo, our little dog, is the funniest thing to ever exist. Whenever we play with the dogs and they fetch their toys, they bring it back to us and Mati goes crazy with laughter. Poor Leo tries to stay slightly clear of Mati's hands to keep him from grabbing hold of his fur. Mati has a serious death grip. 

I had the greatest surprise and gift ever this morning. After getting to bed around 4am this morning i woke up to take care of Mati at his usual 7:30am. After feeding him John woke up and took care of baby so I could get some actual sleep. my first Saturday off and I was exhausted. I was able to sleep till 10:30am! I was very  refreshed and more than a little grateful. I felt like the luckiest woman alive. I know so many men who wont even be around to play with their kids let alone watch them for their wives. John wakes up to take care of Mati during the night when I am at work. I do actually work from home so I do go in and feed him around 12-1am but John soothes Mati until I can get off the phone to come over and take care of baby. I am so grateful for a loving, kind, and thoughtful husband. I really did hit the jackpot. When I think about other people I had interests in I am so happy I didn't fall for anyone. John was my first love and my only love. Ahh so mushy gushy! 

Baby love

We got Mati's shots 2weeks ago and thankfully daddy came so mommy didn't have to do it all alone! Mati was a champ and weighed 17lbs 8oz. He is 26.5in long. Quite the big guy. During the office part before the shots John and Mati were modeling for me. John put Mati's jammie around his head like a turban... Such a dork.

So I included the adorable pictures of my men and also a picture from Fathers Day brunch at Black Bear Diner. They have a jute box and two giant bears on it so John had to put Mati up there to view the people. Love them <3

Moving

So our little family is moving ASAP. we have a serious mold problem that started to grow in our dressers. Our brand new dressers! I was so furious!!! Like mama bear furious. I looked up all our work orders over the last year and pictures documenting the issues we have had. I wrote them an email and quoted WA legislature and had a letter from Mati's Pediatrician. All of that got their attention. We had both the residential manager and maintenance manager come over. Both were shocked to see the mushrooms in our dressers. Needless to say they got the picture and now are bending over backwards to make us happy. We are planning to buy a house next year so we are moving to Lakeland Hills area. We are going down to a 1bedroom so we can save up for our down payment.

We are really happy to finally having this go our way. No way I'm having my son in this environment any longer.

New changes again!

It's only my second night working the late night owl shift at work and I am so exhausted. John bought me some vanilla coke, bless his heart. So at least I have caffeine to keep me awake. We don't get many calls at night so mostly I am doing nothing or reading a book. Only really desperate people call at this hour... But at 9pm they are still sane and really want help.. At 2am- more crazy less wanting help.

We are meeting with the duplex homeowner tomorrow night to see how he feels about us and the dogs. Our dogs either love you or they pee themselves being scared of you. I'm planning to take them on a very long walk an empty their bladder before they meet the landlord. Can't have them peeing themselves now can we.

I am really hoping this all works out and we can move as soon as June 30th. I have to transfer our Internet and phone services right away so I can work. No way can I miss work because we are moving.

Lucky for me my job goes wherever I go. The new place is in Milton so it's spitting distance from John's work. (I just talked to someone in Missouri so I think that's where that phrase came from)

Mati just started solids and is loving sweet potatoes.. Now his farts stink to high heaven though. Like father like son... Or like mom lol

Crash and burn

So I had thought that Mati would only cry up to ten minutes when I tried to do sleep training with him. Oh so wrong mommy. He cried for an hour! The poor guy wouldn't take no for an answer. We are partially to blame I guess since the first 10minutes we went and checked on him and then five minutes later we checked again. But then I tried to just let him cry it out. To top it off the missionaries were here and didn't know what to make of the crying baby. We were going to nix the sleep training since they were here but he wouldn't stop crying even if we were holding him because he was so pissed. When he was a newborn we called him the Hulk because once he got pissed there was no consoling him. Thankfully he doesn't really cry all that much. So after nursing, changing diapers, snuggling, singing, and all my mommy tricks he still wouldn't stop crying because he was so mad. I knew it wasn't gas because we fixe that bubble before...

When the missionaries left he did stop crying and so we went in to go to sleep ourselves. Mati was wide awake just staring at the ceiling but not crying. We have yet to buy his crib so he sleeps in our bed still- probably another problem with last nights attempt. We both felt so horrible and just snuggled our little man.

Lessons learned. No sleep training until. He has his own crib. Don't have missionaries come at his bedtime.

Moving and shaking

I really need to write down my progress with WW's. My aunt is getting annoyed that I announce the point value for every food I eat. She totally sabotaged my efforts the other day when she brought me my favorite doughnut- maple bars. Each one was 11points but of course I didn't check before I gobbled two down and the chocolate milk she bought me. So thoughtful yet so not helpful Summer! Love her to death but we are terrible for weight loss for each other. Great binging buddies though. So after splurging on doughnuts and chocolate milk I realized just how dumb that decision was. Yes the treats were so yummy but I would rather be losing weight than indulging in such treats. My other two mistakes this week included Chinese food with the Hubby and then RedRobin for Kina's bday. I thought I was doing so good at red robin and I was until I gave in and had some fries. I kept telling myself "nothing tastes as good as thin feels" I was doin good for the first 30min and then I gave in when of course Summer came! Lol I can't blame her of course... I need to be stronger when we get together.

John was so sweet and took a 2mile walk with me on the BPA trail last night. Today I am so stinking sore!!! I feel like a huge fatty since I ache from just a 2mile walk.

I'm planning on doing it again today if the rain let's up. Scratch that. I am going to exercise no matter what. Even if it's Zumba in my living room. Trying to exercise with a baby is tough and I am not good at it yet.

Mati tried rice cereal today and I think he liked it! He grabbed the spoon from me and jabbed it in his mouth. Silly boy. Makes me one proud mama.

Big changes

John's sister Ina is moving back to Samoa in July and her best friend Lina who also lives with us is moving to California June 9th. We will finally have just our little family in our home. honestly I can't wait. It's been a real learning experience for us having other people live here. My brother JT lived with us last year for a month too. Lesson learned- having other people live with you when newly married while helpful to them is a bad idea. We definitely need our own space. Love family but love best in our own spaces.

I'm moving to a late shift soon. It will be 830pm-3am. It will suck for sleep but be awesome for Mati. I'm praying I will be able to function off even less sleep though. Many prayers to help I think.

So that's the scoop

Our very memorable memorial day weekend

Our holiday is off to a great start. John got heat stroke and blacked out in an attic on the job and hit his head on a nail. So I had to drive up to Issaquah Friday and take him to the ER. He hated being less than robust but kept the ER staff entertained. Meanwhile today we are at Group Health Urgent Care for me since I have a head cold that has moved to my lungs and I can't take any over the counter meds. Do we are just waiting to pick up some albuteral for me to breathe better and then heading home to zonk out. AaaaaaaaaaTomorrow we are going to try to go to church but who knows at this awwwpoint.

My Weight Watchers Journey

I'm back at it again! This time is different from the first time I lost weight with Weight Watchers. Besides being 60lbs overweight this time versus 40lbs last time- I have John beside me doing it too... And I have the past success to prove I can do this.

We joined WW's on 3/7/12 and since then I have lost 11.4lbs! I obviously have a lot more to lose but I am so happy to once again see results. With my pregnancy I ha peaked at 235lbs. I was in shock at how big I got but I only gained 30lbs with my pregnancy and I dropped it all and then 4lbs within a few weeks. I had need discussing an planning on going back to WW's after Mati was born. John and I both came to realize that what we were doing was affecting our health and our lives and we have more than ourselves to think about now. We want to be active with Mati instead of watching from our stoop because we can't move at all due to weight.

I'm loving that I bought clothes smaller than I thought I was. At my 10lb mark John told me he would buy me a new outfit to celebrate. We both hit our 5% loss two weeks ago together. It has been so nice to have him beside me and have someone to eat healthier with.

I do find it easier this time because I am mindful that everything I eat- Mati eats. I do not want him hopped up on preservatives and a bunch of non-nutritious junk.

Out goal right now is to lose 5lbs a month. By the time we go to Samoa next year we will be at our goal weight. That means me in a bathing suit on the beach in my sexy body! I can't hardly wait! I picture that image and the desire for that pizza or snickers goes away.

So I'm off to finish my morning WW's smoothie and work. Loving life!

Baby pictures!

I found an app that is Moriah friendly so I can post easier and do pictures!!!

Quick Update

I love being Mati's mom and John's wife. I love our little family and how much fun we have tougher. John is out of town on business this week so it's just me and baby holding down the fort. We are going through withdrawals! I can't believe how much I miss him. Mati is now 4months and weighs approximately 17lbs. When I laid him down on our bed he is actually as long as my legs!!! He is going to be tall! Ill try to add some puffers soon. John's sister Ina and her friend Lina have been staying with us he past year and are moving out next month. So I won't have any extra hands to help with Mati while I work. So I'm shifting to working graveyard... I love that I will be able to take care of him by myself and not depend on anyone else. We had some difficulty relying on others so this solves that problem for us. On top of that John will be home so he can help with bedtime and being there if baby wakes up. We are getting him a crib this weekend and are going to start sleep training him- not looking forward to that. I have really loved snuggling my baby every night but I believe he is ready for his own space- he doesnt like to be touched when he sleeps now and spreads out much like his daddy. Life just keeps getting better and better for us!

Keeping it fresh!

So I have two options right now.. I can either explain tue negative stuff that's been going on that helped motivate our decision to go Facebook-free, or I can avoid more drama and keep it positive. I'm choosing the latter to help me choose a different beaten path. I love catching up with friends and seeing pictures of everyones kids who live far away... But I will just make more of an effort to touch base with everyone personally. I need to learn how to upload pictures to our blog so I can share our precious moments with everyone. Being a mom is the best job on the world. I have so much fin just hanging out with Mati. Our next adventure is to start exercising together and moving him to his crib. I'll keep you all posted! Lots of love!

My must have mommy list

There are a few things that have kept me sane while being a new mommy. I figured since a ton of my friends are expecting babies this year I would share some of the things I found indispensable.

Bouncer- small travel size

Swing

Baby Einstein bouncy toy

Boppie(great for nursing first 1-2months and now great for him to rest in to sit up)

Wipe warmer- he would pee as soon as a cold wipe touched him so this was a must the first months. Now it's handy but not necessary.

Burp rags made from cloth diapers

Swaddling blankets- much bigger than receiving blankets.

Layettes(one piece jammies with an opening at the feet)

Nursing shield(great for in public)

Baby sling- perfect for carrying baby around

Diaper bag backpack(so much more convenient than a purse one)

Bottle warmer- super fast when needed

Gripe Water- must have for baby gas

Teething toys- I have this awesome ball that has nubs on it with different textures he can chew on. From Target

Carter clothes-fits my big boy

Infant/toddler bath

Hooded towels- I bought 3 and made 3 myself. Love them! Keeps him happy

Binkie clips- keeps the binkie from falling on the ground all day long

Carseat cover- looks like a cacoon for baby- kept him super warm during colder weather.

I'm sure there are more things but here is a list to start from.

Nothing Better than Baby Snuggles

I haven't written in super long so I wanted to get all caught up. First of all- I love being a mom. It's way better than I ever imagined. Even with the long nights where Mati won't sleep at all and fusses, I still love to just look at my baby boy and love on him. Snuggle time is a round the clock occurance at our home. I am now trying to be reasonable and allow others to snuggle him too so I can go cook or clean but I find that I just really want to hold him all the time. Our bed has become 3/4 Mati Space 3/16 Mommy Space and 1/16th Daddy Space. I think I did the math right and it actually equals 1. Basically John is squished in one small side of the bed. I didn't realize how little space my tough guy had until last night when I reached over and could actually feel the edge! He of course wouldn't have said anything or complained a bit but I decided that since Mati is now 1 month old it is time that he learn to sleep in his bassinet at night. It is after all a fabulous one. We successfully made it 2 hours straight in his bed after an hour of struggling to put him there... then the rest of the night was a bit more difficult with little sleep for us.

I start back at work either on March 1st or March 5th. I am waiting to see when my maternity benefits run out. I should look into that tomorrow- Should being the chosen word. I should also take a shower.... Ill get to that tonight :) I am proud of myself for getting all the laundry folded and put away yesterday. I feel like I am slowly coming into my own again. I even lost all the prego weight within a couple weeks thanks to a big baby and breast feeding. I thought it would take me forever and that was depressing but now I am happy to fit into jeans that were too snug just before I got prego. John and I are starting Weight Watchers after my 6 week postpartum visit which is next week! I am super excited because I know it works. I have to lose weight slower because of breast feeding but thats ok- I dont mind since its for Mati.

We discovered Mati is allergic to Milk just like John. the first 1 1/2 weeks we didn't notice anything which the Dr. said was normal- but then he had diarrhea really bad. Pour baby was a desitin butt baby for a 1 1/2 weeks before we found out it wasn't a cold and it was the Milk that I was drinking. So we cut it out of my diet and right away we noticed a difference. I am trying to have some dairy in yogurt randomly in the week so that he can start to build up a tolerance but nothing more than a small amount. The doctor told me to just avoid the liquid milk but not all dairy products so i am actually being more cautious than he told me to be- but thats because Im a mom! I love to say that :)

My new favorite thing about being a mom is being able to recognize what his different cries mean. I feel more in tune with Mati than ever and it feels great. I love that he recognizes my voice and will stop crying when John is changing him and I start talking to him. I love his smell and the way his eyes get all big when he sees something exciting- right now he loves to stare at this picture we have above our bed (don't know why since its not that exciting to me).

Mati seems to be taking more after me when it comes to his hair and skin color. He has dark Auburn hair (not orangie red thank goodness). He currently has olive colored skin. He might end up getting darker but being afakasi (mixed) he has plenty of variety to choose from in his gene pool. It does bother me though when people seem to question if John really is the dad. Maybe thats me reading too much into it but I have been asked more than once. If you just look at his face you would notice that Mati has John's eyes, ears, mouth, nose, chin, and hands. The kid has massive hands! Definately a future football pro in our midst.

I just love being a Mom and spending time with my precious baby. I am so grateful that with my job I work from home and get to be here even if I am working. John will be starting his job with Orkin in a few weeks we think so he will be able to be home with Mati all day until then while i work. And we have John's sister Ina with us who can help when I work ( I will be switching to an early shift and only working 30 hours so I wont be gone when Mati is awake). And my wonderful Aunt Summer is willing to be here after she drops her kids off at school so that when John is working she will be with Mati. I have the best family seriously.

Now I am off to enjoy more snuggle time with my son.

D- Day is here

Our much anticipated due date has come my friends and Mati didn't. At least not at 3:25pm today. We went to our midwife appointment and she did a membrane sweep and checked me. I am still 1cm dilated and 85% effaced. Honestly that isn't very reassuring since I have been the same over the past 3 weeks. The Midwife did say that she felt the water bag at the entrance of the cervix so it could mean that my water will break when I go into labor rather than having the midwife rupture it herself. She spent some extra time with us since no one showed for their appointments because of the weather.

I had asked her about induction since John will start working officially next week we hope and I want him to be here with me and spend some time with me and baby after Mati is born. She told me that the hospital policy is that you have to be at least 41weeks and then you have to have a good bishop score. Basically just inducing someone doesn't guarantee that you are going to have a baby or go into labor. Your cervix needs to be ripe and ready to take the induction. Otherwise you will just have some painful contractions without the actual labor starting. I have heard of women who were induced several times before they actually went into labor. I don't want that to happen. So I am really trying to be patient since Mati is coming on his own time and I can't rush it.

The midwives gave us some ideas on what to do to help with labor. The membrane sweep might help but she said that sex is really the best thing to help with starting labor. John is ok with that for sure. She also suggested castor oil which is a laxative- not going to do that since I don't need help in that department. I also heard about primrose tablets that you put next to your cervix and then using raspberry leaf tea. So tomorrow if labor doesn't begin then I am going to go and get some of those things to try out. With the weather being absolutely horrible we are stuck at home today. If I suddenly do go into labor then my grandpa will have to come pick us up in his Prius. He has it fully loaded with winter tires with studs on them and even snow chains for the tires.

I keep having day dreams and dreams at night about holding our son and caring for him. I know that motherhood is going to be everything I ever dreamed it to be. I am not naive enough to think its going to be a cake walk but I know that I was born to do this. This is my life's dream. I have always wanted to be a mom and now I cannot hardly wait. Many people wait to have kids but our life together would never be complete if we didn't have our kids now. This is what is best for us and I am so grateful that we are able to have our little one coming soon. Maybe by this weekend we will have our little baby boy in our arms rather than kicking my bladder.

John's aunt from Utah came to stay with us from Jan 13-30th to help with the birth and newborn baby. She has been such a blessing to us to have here. We are learning so much from here and it has been amazing. She is a spiritual giant and so full of love. She is a second mom to John and Ina and having her here has meant the world to them. She is really making our home so much brighter. I will be so sad to see her go home the end of the month.

So until we have our little baby boy I think this will be the last update that I post.

Want My Opinion

I dare say that I have a ton of opinions. It may surprise people that I actually don't just say everything that is on my mind. Shocker I know. But right now there are things that are going on that I just can't keep quiet about any longer.

My little family and I are Latter Day Saints. We go to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. We are Christians- NOT A CULT. We are not brainwashed. We believe in principles and have proved them to be true through our actions and seen the results. It makes me so mad when people- including my family- accuse me of following a religion blindly. Trust me when I say that I don't do anything just because someone tells me to do it. I have always done what I saw fit and didn't take well to being told otherwise. Why should it then surprise them when I choose to attend church, pay tithing, and hold prayers in my home? And Heaven Forbid I plan on teaching my children what I believe!!! I mean that is just torture to teach your children what you know and believe. Wait isn't that what being a parent is about. We teach our children how to walk, talk, eat, and socialize. Why not teach them also how to think for themselves and learn about our beliefs and knowledge of the gospel.

I understand that people do have problems with church. Not the religion exactly but the people that attend church. I don't believe you can judge a whole group of people or religion by the actions of a few. If that were the case we would have so many wars going on- more so than what there already are in the world. People are imperfect. If you want to know what I believe in then ask me. Don't accuse me of things you don't know anything about. Even if you were raised in the church and maybe even went to primary class or Sunday School and listened, it doesn't mean you know what you are talking about. There are the stories and lessons that are taught but it's the principles that should have been taken away from those things.

I don't for one second believe that someone's belief system can or should stem from the whole premise of attacking other people's beliefs. You say your an atheist and don't believe in God- Then why are you HELL BENT on attacking GOD or JESUS or the beliefs of others. What does Atheism mean to you? If you antagonize people's beliefs on purpose such as saying there is no God so why do you even go to church or pray- and then you proceed to give me your life long list of trials- what you are really saying is that you are Angry for what happened to you and you want someone to blame so you blame God. Not that you don't believe in him but that you are just angry with him and you think its your right to attack Him like He seems to attack you. Anger will only hurt YOU. Deal with your anger and maybe you will get to what you do believe and be happy. If you truly just want to hurt others because you are hurting, then maybe its time to grow up.

Reading this some people might get their panties in a twist because I am quite frank with what I think. But it does not prove that I am less of a Christian to want to Defend what I believe. You can believe what you want but don't proceed to attack what I hold so near and dear to my heart. I feel so hurt when people feel the need to belittle how I base my life choices and my beliefs. Seriously I just wish that people would just stop.